Well my little lovelies...it's been a hot minute since I've written one of these lol Actually this isn't my first account on here, my first one was [link]. I just couldn't bring myself to delete it though because there are so many memories behind it.

A lot has changed since I first got on here, for one I'm definately no long a sophomore at MM lol I've long since graduated about a year ago and now I'm in my first year at UAM. I'll admit it's pretty lame.
I started here on guard camp, and that was painful! I used muscles I didn't even know existed! Well after that week the actuall band camp started and everyone started showing up. Everything was cool at first, then we actually had to start passing things off, that was really weird for me because I never had to do that in highschool. Well since this was my first time doing actual guard at a college I became first alternate once again. lol come to find out I'm not graceful. My friend Alyssa said I remind her of Bella from the first book...I'm not graceful and deathly clumsy.

Well all was good there, I mean I got paid full scholarship for basically learning the routines and not having to perform. I liked that actually and when we had to try out again I made first alternate once again, which I'm really happy about because I get to keep my scholarship and I also don't have to do anything once again.

Our drummajor(he's actually starting next year) came up to me one day after jazz band though and told me that I needed to come to KKP intrest meeting...To be honest KKP is something I've been wanting to do, but I'm completely scared! They are supposed to be a non hazing organization but I've heard stories that suggest other wise. Plus it doesn't help that I am a member of APG which is supposed to be a brotherhood type organization to KKP but they hate us lol. It kinda scared me that our drum major would tell me to come though, to be honest I thought he hated me....

What else has happened? Well I've lost touch with most of the people I used to call friends back home. The only one that I really get along with anymore and love to be around is Jason. (I'm talking about my graduating class) Like I don't talk to Jessica anymore which I know she hates me for, but if she'd stop acting so stupid she might see it from my perspective. She blames me for never calling her after I went to college, but I mean doesn't the phone thing go both ways? Obviously if she wanted to call me she could. I was super busy! I mean I was juggling eighteen college hours plus band and I think that is a good excuse in it's own. Then she also gets mad at me for the fact that when I was home I never hung around her. I have a good reason for that too...when I'm home I'm surrounded by people who smoke and drink and she started doing all that shit again and I deal with it at home but I don't want to deal with it with my friends too. I think I have a pretty good reason...there are other reasons why she hates me though, and it's not my place to put that on here...she just really became just another reason that I lost my faith in people as individuals. I think since that time though I've learned to grow up and try and consider others more. I know it's lame but I constantly check her myspace to see what's going on and she hasn't made much of an effort to better herself. I keep trying to stay positive though(I mean she didn't delete me from here friends) Well we haven't talked since, some of her family have called me to see if I could talk some sense into her but of course I told them that I would try...and I did...I just didn't succeed. lol

Well not too long after that I realized that she had started becoming friends with the girl that used to be one of my best friends in highschool, that was until I found out all the things that she had done. I guess she was the type of friend that went around hurting other people(like spreading rumors and writing nasty notes) and then she blamed it all on me. I found that one day I never was able to forgive her...I stuck by her in her hardest times and she used my kindness as her own personal gain. Well she's on my myspace too and she had the nerve to write a blog about it and then message me on facebook and start attacking me for her stupidity. Well I retaliated, but in a very fashionable way, and I didn't even cuss at her! Which is really rare with me and she told me to go fuck myself. Wanna know the funny part? Right after she sent me that she deleted her facebook. I did find it rather funny. Meh but it's Jessica's life and she can do what she wants, I'm living the life I want and I'm actually happy.

Well, for the most part. Since the beginning of the semester I have gone through one roommate named Kaylee, and she only lasted a night before she moved. A few days later I got Jennifer and she stayed for a few weeks. She started getting on my nerves anyways lol then Blachia moved in and we had a blast up until the end of the semester when she went back home to stay lol so now I'm stuck with Makayla. She's a great roommate I won't knock that...but she cries a lot and I try to help her through it but she's said it herself, she pushes me away so I won't hurt her. She doesn't take into consideration that that hurts me too. I just don't let it show like she does. Sometimes I hate the way that she goes about her problems though, all of hers are somthing she could easily fix, yet she doesn't. My problems are things that I can't change nor take back...I'd have to build a time machine. Sometimes though she can bring out the worst in me. I try to be overly optimistic in all situations because I know it can always get worse. But I think that upsets everyone....but I'd rather be happy than just be a downer to everyone, ya know?

Well Jason and I also broke up, that was pretty hard on me. He fell out of love with me and I just let him go, because if he wanted me back he would have fought to keep me. One day during spring break I told him how I felt...he doesn't want to be with me cause I'm six hours away. It hurt and I cried for most of the day it was probably my best cry in two years. I don't think I had cried since my grandma and grandpa were forced apart. It's a story I really don't want to get into though. Well he does want to be with me on some level...I mean he constantly uses me for sex now. It's not like I'm really complaining but one day we kissed...and I didn't like that, it complicates things. Well the day I was coming back to UAM from break he decides he was going to kiss me twice...well of course I read more into it. I told him I only wanted him to do it if he really wanted to and that's what I thought. Then he tells me he only did it cause he thought I wanted it. I did, but not the way he thought...he wanted it, he just didn't want it to mean anything. Oh well, I cried a little after I found out his reasoning...I find it helps when you shower to cry, cause then your eyes don't really hurt later. I don't like to cry infront of people either.

Well when I came back I was flirting heavily with this guy named Lee and I thought he liked me back, but boy was I wrong. When he told me that he thought I was pretty and he didn't want to date me because I reminded him of his ex I just kinda let the crush go. Well we still stayed friends and became best friends in fact lol Eventually though he started talking to this girl and I really didn't see how he could like her. She was very rude...well turns out she didn't like him back lmao
well anywho my other friend Octavia didn't like him and she kept telling us it was because he was white...which she's been known to do before. So the other day we walk into the caf and he's sitting with this girls friend and he just waves at us and Makayla and I go to sit with Octavia. We get up to get something and Lee follows us over trying to sit with us. When Octavia gives him the go to hell look he gets pissed and doesn't talk to me. I didn't do anything though and I felt bad. I had to go though because I had a lesson and Jazz practice and when I left Makayla got mad at me because apparently I didn't wait for her. Then she starts to get really pissy with me and basically tells me to fuck off. She assumed I was mad at her and I also found out that Octavia thinks I put other people before Makayla...cause apparently I'm not allowed to hang with anyone but Makayla's fucking ass....which really pissed me off, but oh well...I mean if you knew her and you knew me I'd say I'm better off without her anyways. But I came to find out that she didn't like Lee because he knew I liked him yet he went after other girls and all this shit. Yet she didn't know the whole story. So Lee decides in art one day he's going to be a douche which really pissed me off! Ugh I mean I had never been more pissed off with someone for a while until that moment. I haven't really talked to him and Makayla and Octavia still treat him like shit. He's really not a bad person, I honestly think that Makayla and Octavia are in a sense in something they shouldn't be. I have my reasoning for both though I don't think that would be nice to spread around the internet lol

Well I guess that's all for today...I've rambled enough and for anyone who took the time to read that in its entirty then I'm sorry lol